jump on the bandwagon

i guess there's no better reason to do something than the fact that everyone else is doing it. so here it is, here i go. i guess this is my blog. i'm sitting on a couch in a cabin at a camp on orcas island right now. it's ten o'clock in the morning and it's raining outside. i've been unemployed now for about a week and a half and there's no sign of work in my future. ahhh...the future. isn't it funny how everyone always wants to know what you are doing next. i feel like it's been the same since highschool. it's like nobody ever wants to talk about where you're at right now, because all people can think about is What's Next. i'm trying to enjoy my last year of highschool and all people want to know is "so, where are you going to college?". i'm trying to enjoy my last year of college and everyone's all, "so, have you got a job lined up?" i'm trying to be present here in my last week on orcas and i've found myself repeating the same two sentences over and over again in response to that question: what now? well, i've got a secret: i have no fucking clue what's next.

it's scary, but it's freeing at the same time.

i mean, how are we supposed to enjoy any bit of our life if all we ever look toward is the next horizon. because soon enough the next horizon is going to be the end of our lives and we're going to get there, and there won't be any more horizons, and we'll wonder what we were chasing after the whole time.

so for now, it's one day at a time.

sure, i've got ideas about where i want those days to take me. but i'm not stuck on any of 'em and i'm certainly keen on this very moment. right here. right now.

but, for those who are wondering. the conversations have been going like this:

"so, what are you going to do now?"

"um...i think i'm going to go for a bicycle ride."

"oh yeah? where?"

"i think down the coast, head south for the winter."

"oh wow. by yourself?"

"yea. by myself."

"gosh, have you ever done that before?"

"no."


so that's it. but i'm not stuck to it. who knows what will happen. maybe i'll fall off the ferry on the way back to the mainland. maybe i'll get to portland and freeload off john and caitlin for the rest of my life. maybe i'll fall in love and move to tahiti. for now, though, i just want to be free on two wheels. i want to have the ability to move around as i feel, to see places, to be with people who i love, to enjoy my own company, to be able to take advantage of every moment, to not worry about what's next. i'm not sure how far i'll make it, or if i'll make it at all, but i'm ready.

so, i guess this is the beginning of trying to possibly log some of whatever adventure i am about to embark on. not sure what will come of it. but it feels pretty good, i feel good about it. i guess that's all that matters.